Preface: I am running dangerously low on rock and roll puns, and I may have to stretch quite a bit

The titans of “Rock Band” gathered together, surrounded by plastic hay bales and two dimensional cactuses decorated with christmas lights to see which quartet would reign supreme.  The reward: 10k in cash, the title of “Rock Band Champion”, and a chance to meet Ringo Starr, who we hear is quite the accomplished musician.  The instruments may not be real, but the tension was.

The crowd, not so wild at this point, but just wait.

The 3 judges based the scores on 3 criteria: Gameplay, Style, and Performance.  Sway ran the show, with his daughter in tow. And the crowd was huge from the get-go.

Our Gracious Judges

There were two rounds to the pentultimate Rock Band square off.

The first round consisted of each band getting up on stage and drawing a song at random to perform.  For Rock Band players, this is roughly the equivalent of that dream where you are naked at school and have to do an interpretive dance about the Meiji Dynasty for your final.  Yeah, everyone was quite nervous.  Many of the songs randomly picked for the first round of competition were the songs you usually skip over playing at home because they are just too darned hard.  I think we actually saw smoke coming from the strum bars at one point.  Many sonic booms were felt, due to drummers regularly breaking the sound barrier.  It was insane.  The main differentiation among the bands was not gameplay scores, but stage presence.  Delorian Racers, in particular, were penalized quite severely for a lack of cohesive style, while FA/KE, ROFL MAO, and Science!!! were all quite even in the first round.

Our Attention: She had it

The bands brought their own songs to the table during the second round of competition.  The crowd was amped up to an appropriate level for the occasion, and some say that the stuffed prostitutes looking down from a nearby facade had turned their smirks into smiles for the occasion.  FA/KE took the stage dressed as egyptians (quite reminicent of ROFL MAO the day before), and PLAYED THE HELL OUT OF THE SONG.  The choreography and antics displayed by the rock warriors were even more impressive than anything we had seen previously.  A new bar had been set.  Science!!! then took the stage, and absolutely met the challenge in glam rock fashion.  ROFL MAO came out and drove the croud into a frenzy with their pitch perfect rendition of “Heartbreaker”, and by the time Delorian Racers were done performing  “Under Pressure”, many of the crowd had to be peeled from the carpet with spatulas due to the fact that their faces HAD BEEN MELTED OFF by the amazing shockwaves of rock sent off by all the bands.

Rocktastical

In the end, it came down to ROFL MAO and FA/KE.  FA/KE, still stining from the previous years’ close defeat was again sent home with 2nd place as ROFL MAO were christened as the Total Rock Total Rewards Rock Band Competition Champtions of 2010.

They are the champions, my friends.

Congratulation everybody!  One of the greatest things about the whole competition was the comeradery displayed between all the bands.  Everyone’s love of Rock Band (and the sponsors, we assume) brought them together in a whole lot of hippy feeling lovey dovey crap.  Anyhow, everyone, keep rocking, and prepare yourselves for the 2011 competition!  Help us spread the word among your rock band playing friends, and let the owners of bars and Harrah’s casinos know that you want them to host the tournament next year.  We need lots and lots of venues to participate in order to make 2011 even better!

All winners (technically, there were 3 losers, and one winner)

Stay tuned for videos of the competition.